if you ever thought that you were pale, it might help your self-esteem (self-esteem= one's level of tanness) to take a picture next to my boyfriend, wully. he is so pale, in fact, that when pictured in a white t-shirt, it is LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE to figure out where his shirt ends and his body begins. it is so strong that i need to wear sunglasses just to look at him, or else my retinas will melt out of my eyes and stain my extremely expensive clothing. but, as long as you are wearing shades, you can guarantee to find yourself a great new profile picture for your myspace (that you pretend not to have.)
the downside to taking a picture next to wully: no matter where you are or what is around you, people will think that you are covered by a shadow, due to the severe difference in coloring between yourself and the pale beast. therefore, if you ever choose to frame a picture of you and wully, people will say "why did you choose this one if there's such a big shadow on your body?", to which you will only be able to shake your head slowly, knowing that they will never understand how one human can become so alabaster.
i hope when we have a tortoise child together, it will get its pigment from its extremely sexy, tan (adoptive) mother
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